Sigh…

Well, it happened. Someone who I do not like or get along with in this family, someone who hurt me badly and who makes me cringe at the sound of their name called our home today.  Just seeing the number on the caller ID (yes I screen calls!) made my stomach turn, and I went into panic mode. And so! Alas, my heart and will failed and I snacked…thank goodness it was only cereal and not the container of mint chocolate chip icecream in the fridge, but still. I let this person have power over me by allowing myself to fail because of them.  It angers me so much.  I wish I were not so weak, and I wish I could just forget what happened.  The rest of the family treats this person as if they can do no wrong even though they have done plenty and driven most of us crazy with their antics. But me, I am not able to pretend I like a person. I am not able to pretend the things of the past don’t exist.  I can forgive, and I have forgiven, but I can never forget.  I try to simply live as if that PERSON no longer exists, and when this happens- that they somehow contact us- well, it is like seeing someone who has risen from the dead, and not in a good way! I put all my emotions in my tummy and I think the thing I have the biggest challenge with is separating the two. When I learn to do that, I know I will be able to rejoice in many successes. Ugh…tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully I can ease my heart with some rest, a good book, and a big hug when my husband gets home.

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